Obsession...everyone has it.
Xena - wtf?
It's an intriguing word and one that can mean different things to different people, can conjure up positive or negative feelings depending on who it is using it or who it is in reference to.

I personally love it. I love the sound of the word, the way it feels in my mouth as i say it. I love the way it is written, in particular the number of 's's involved in it (no idea why I just like that letter 's'). But most of all I love what it has given me. The programmes, the time, the teachings, the lessons, the abilities, and the friends.

Therefore I find it a shame when people don't understand it or lose it. When it becomes less of what it is and less of what it means to a person regardless of what the obsession they have is. In the words of a friend, losing obsession is like creating a hole in your life. A hole I hope never to experience.

Then there are those that believe they don't have an obsession. That they aren't geeks or nerds and so are above being geeks and nerds and look down upon us. This is really not true. Everyone has an obsession of some form or another, they just don't realise that it's the same thing as having a geeky or nerdy obsession. One girl with a yearning for clothes and fashion is the same as say me with a yearning for anything Xena related (as long as we don't delve too deeply into kinky ships here ok). Therefore this concept of looking down on us for finding our obsession in something that may be deemed slightly less socially acceptable is complete bullshit.

There is also the interesting concept of a geeky/nerdy obsession that spans so far into the real world that it becomes cool to those people who would normally not consider themselves in that category. The most recent example of this I believe is the Twilight franchise. I have not seen a film franchise grow that quickly or have such diversity in it's followers since Harry Potter. And yet some of the people who follow that obsession/franchise/fandom would never have considered themselves geeks or nerds before now.

I love it. For better or worse I love it and am happy to proudy admit obsession. Even if it's not of popular culture.

I'm Still Employed!!! :D
Xena - come and get it
Got told on Friday that I've got a job in the Vic Centre store. :D

Not only that but although there were three of us going for two jobs, Dawn managed to negotiate to keep all three of us. Granted Charlotte is on less hours but that suits her just fine. And this is one of those reasons Dawn is such an awesome boss!!

My mum is a little crazy
Xena - xena's little bitch
My mum and my stepdad John have got another dog!

They may not be able to afford it comfortably and John may get angry occassionally but I kinda love em for it. They are crazy as handling two dogs is not the easiest thing to do but apparently they get on fine. The second dog is Chunk's (our dog) dad. He's only 5 and similar in personality to Chunk, or so I'm told.

Gonna go see him on Thursday when I go for dinner. Apparently they have him over the weekend as a trial run and if that works out which it appears to be doing then he'll stay.
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Good times....with a few bad thrown in.
Xena - angel gabby
Wow what a couple of weeks.

Starting off with the bad news. HMV are closing stores throughout England, and despite out regional manager not believing ours would be one of them due to circumstances...it is. We were told a week last Wednesday, and we closed a week yesterday. Didn't really give us much notice...about 4 days.  Sucks. You never believe that you get so close to a store that on what you believe your last day is you sit outside the store after closing and cry with your manager holding your hand and crying too. But yes that is what I did.

Now we have to clear out the store. I was under the impression it would have been done by the time I got back from holiday but not as easy as head office like to believe to clear out a store that big properly. The other issue is that there are two open vaccancies at the only HMV store left in Nottingham and I have applied for it. To start off with I thought I would try and use this as a sign for doing something different..but I really can't see myself sitting behind a desk all day right now, and I love running around the store. I also surprisingly enjoy it despite the frustrations of the public, head office and or course christmas. Lets just hope my manager's confidence in me is helpful in this matter.

Last week however I was on holiday. A bunch of us that couldn't afford the con this year met up in Glasgow. It was a good time. Stayed up until 5 in the morning on the first night...which is not usual for me at all. I'm very used to early nights and early starts...as evident from the fact that both me and Ape still got up at about 10 in the morning the next day whilst most other were still asleep. We visited Edinborough Zoo which was cool, haven't been to one for years. Cold and windy and it dd rain but it was still cool.

I got drunk a couple of times though, which was nice as it didn't result in sickness for me at any point. I was being monitered though to an extent lol. Was much fun though, and it was wonderful seeing them all again. Missed Dre but can't have em all.

Wooo Glasgow!
Xena - friends/lovers
Just booked flight to Glasgow for 30th! More expensive than I thought it would be but meh...I'm excited anyway!

So excited!

We're gonna have a mini Xena meet up. The people that I met last year at the con (minus Dre :( ) are mostly coming due to the fact that we can't afford the con. Shall have a wonderful time though. And I need a holiday lol.

Ape be coming 25th to see me then we're both going! I can't wait. Haven't seen Ape for almost exactly a year.

Just wanted to yelp in joy.

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New Year - Feels Good!
Xena - queen
Happy New Year everyone!

Wow I haven't posted since September...need to change that. Get my thoughts out more often. Anyway...

Had a great night. David and Esme came round, we had dinner, played music and spent the evening discussing various things as we always do. Told stories, made jokes, watched the fireworks that other people were firing because my balcony (basically a door with a railing before you think I'm rich enough to actually have a balacony :P) overlooks a lot of Nottingham and you can see lots of fireworks. It was almost a magical moment.

There were people lighting Chinese lantens too, and a group of people dressed in fancy dress (eg superman) were lighting some just below us, so we watched and cheered with them when they lifted properly. They tried to throw us some party poppers to 'pop' into the new year with them in celebration....but it was dark, we couldn't see the thrown popper, plus third floor and to the side, not straight up, making it more difficult to throw. But it was one of those rare occassions when people just want to include other people in their celebration. It was lovely.

As me and Esme stood there I commented on it being one of those very few united moments. A moment in time when everyone in the country are celebrating the same thing, and there is a level of bonding that you can feel with the rest of humanity when you think about that. No matter who you are, what you were doing to celebrate, it was together, and it helped remind me that we are all connected in some way, just standing there and letting the moment wash over me.

I had a couple of nice realisations last night that I'm not sure whether to go into because they were difficult enough to put into words when speaking them. But it was mostly about Artemis, and my interest in her - drawing me to believe I have a connection to her, and I identify with her as a part of myself, or at least who I want to be and who I see me being inside within a world of limited freedom to be so. Then I realised that what Davd was discribing as Artemis (independant, strng woman, huntress etc) was perhaps another reason I have taken in and identified so much with Xena as a person and a programme. There has been much discussion on why that show above all others means the world to me and it's more than it just being a show (goes deeper but I won't get into that now), but that identification was interesting to me. Very interesting indeed.

I also without a doubt love David and Esme. To find people who just accept every part of me without trying to change it or call me nuts or too obsessive, and in fact understand and try to help me understand the importance of the wierd things in my life. Last night I was standing at the railing with Esme and I could feel my heart was full, something I had not quite acknowledged before. Love is a word I've used toward them before, but in that moment I realised how much. I thank whoever or whatever has allowed them to be in my life, because without a doubt they have helped enrich it.

In this moment I need to acknowledge the only people I deem true friends. The ones I know without a doubt will be there is I desperatly need them, and the ones I know I would be there for in the same circumstance. Only 2 people spring to mind though others are on their way...

1. Ape - a constant source of inspiration and a shining example of someone who won't go away once she's got her claws into you. Not that I would ever try to send her away. No matter how many times I see her or talk to her I never feel completely satisfied and yearn to spend more time with her.

2. Lee (Amy) - one of those friends you never want to let go of. Another source of inspiration but for a different kind of creative outlet. Someone who will listen to me rant and not judge me for it. And agin somone who would only go away kicking and screaming which I am conastantly grateful for.

The ones that I haven't mentioned (e.g. Liz, Sandy, Dre, Amber) I am stll getting to know. I adore each one of them and  fully acknowledge that they are and will continue to play very important and vital parts in my life.

Enough of my sentimental stuff...enjoy 2011! I had a very good feeling last night so hopefully for me this year will be one of good change!

(no subject)
Xena - What subtext?
Oh did I love last night.

Monday night is generally Pagan night, when David and Esme go to a pub called The Dragon and hang out with fellow Pagan friends. When I go it's usually to see Esme as I see very little of her otherwise (something I plan to change), and I went last night. David had to tay in town until midnight anyway to go back to work due to the midnight launch of Halo Reach, so I said I would stay in town. 

The three of us ended up being the last ones in the pub, something that has never happened in the history of the monday meet up. It was very cool. David left for work at 10 to 11 and Esme and I stayed in the pub talking. The evening ended for us at about quater past 1. We had spent those hours discussing all sorts of wonderful philosophy and meanings....mostly centred around Xena lol. It was wonderful. Esme's thought processes when watching it are different to mine, and i'm unbelivably thrilled that she doesn't just see it as 'some tv show about a hot woman kicking ass' like a lot of people I mention it to. No, she see's the thought behind it, the meaning of the relationships, the progression and growing up of the characters. She understands, and helped me to further understand, how the show changed my life and taught me so much.

It was a wonderful, fun and thrilling evening. I couldn't stop smiling.
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Lonely Yet Happy Times
Xena - angel gabby
I'm at a stage at the moments where I miss all my friends. Well by all I mean ones that aren't the 2 I see everyday. I do see Esme quite ofte also but it would be nice to spend a little more time with her than once a month.

It is therefore the ones I don't see that I miss. There has been a sudden drop of contact, even online with most people. People I ued to talk to regularly just aren't there anymore. Some of it I will admit is probably partially my fault, I'm not well known for keeping up all forms of contact, but I still miss them.

There are certain people I miss more than others, but on the whole I miss em all. It partially feels like I have a hole slowly growing in my heart and there is little I can do to stop it.

On the other hand it does feel like I have gotten some of my life back on track. I'm happy here I'm living now, and work hasn't been too terrible recently. So some things are on the up :D
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Money Money Money
Xena - Sappho poem
Oh that felt good. Putting money into my account, beng able to create a savings account. After being refunded a couple of things this month and the prospect of sharing bills I'm feeling a little lighter.

Might even save for a holiday :P

Life's Ups and Downs
Xena - queen
Internet back. Yay! Not quite the same without it. And 3 weeks is a long time.

New flat is great. Modern and more airy than my last one. Plus Liz is turning out to be a great housemate. Lots in common and we're both rather laid back about some things, unlike previous housemates. So all is good atm.

I have a week off of doing nothing. I love those kinda holidays.

On the down side...ever feel like you were punched in a gut? Like you heard or read something from a friend and although it probably wasn't aimed at you as being malicious....you feel punched in the gut anyway? Well that's how I feel atm. It's not life altering, just a little disappointing.
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